Pondering
by Cis100
Summary: The Anniversary of the Birth of Darth Vader coincidentally happens on the very day that Vader finds out that his son is indeed, alive. This usually sad day has turned into something unexpected for the Dark Lord - and now he finds himself pondering, pondering his son, life and someone he used to know. One-Shot. Empire Strikes Back.


**Pondering. **

**AN: Just a short one shot that came to me in a dream. I was afraid that Vader might seem a little too OOC, but then I realized that we didn't know what was going on in Vader's mind during all of this, we didn't really know what he was thinking. I felt that this was an, at the very least, adequate representation and I hope that you enjoy it very much! **

Looking down to the chronometer on the common panel at the foot of the Executor's Bridge, I fixed it with a stoic look from under my mask and looked back up at the gleaming, vastness of interstellar space. With only the rest of the fleet and the billions of stars to look at, my mind drifted backwards almost twenty two years exactly. Because at this very moment, twenty two years ago, someone I used to know made a mistake that had cost him everything he had ever known and loved. His intentions were great, his intentions were not misguided, and if he had known that he was being merely used at the time – he _might_ have put a stop to it then and there, but that wouldn't have stopped the brash fool. He was far to in love with his wife to even consider the possibility that he was being used as a pawn. It shouldn't have surprised me all that much now that I thought about the foolish man, and now, as I recalled my memories of the being known as Anakin Skywalker, I simply knew that there was no other way that it could have happened. Skywalker had always been one to follow impulses – the image of his wife dying would have caused him to do something similar in the long run. Perhaps… perhaps I was wrong, perhaps if Skywalker had known what I knew now, then he might have avoided it, but that was conjecture, that was speculation not worth dwelling on at this time.

Every year, for twenty two years, I had always spent this day sulking – but this day was different.

I wasn't that deluded, I was perfectly well aware that Anakin Skywalker and I were the same physical person, but we were two very different people. The events of that night, the events of Skywalk-…my mistake had caused me to subsequently go out and command the slaughter of ten thousand Jedi and murder my wife and unborn child. Or at least, that's what I _thought_ I had done. It had been quite the everlasting source of shame, misery, pain and complete and total unabashed anger for over twenty years. That was until had learned that my unborn child had in fact survived – and was now fighting against me with the Rebellion. What took the place of those feelings that I had carried for over two decades was a feeling of heavy disconcertment – and there was something else there as well, but I wasn't foolish enough to find out what it was. I was a Lord of the Sith! I was Master of the Imperial Military! And I would not succumb to this feeling. But apparently my habits from my former self hadn't dissolved completely, because as my anger grew, so did my curiosity and that untapped emotion that I promptly tapped delighted the part of me that was still, begrudgingly Anakin Skywalker and involuntarily sickened the majority of myself that was Darth Vader. I was forced to admit to myself that I was feeling something akin to excitement and…_ fatherly_ pride over my son.

That boy had destroyed the Death Star – and that boy was _my_ child.

Even I, who had wallowed in the anger that was brought on by the aftermath of the destruction of that convoluted instrument of destruction, had to admit at the time that it impressed me to no end. But now, now that I knew that the boy was my child, I felt myself almost swell with pride – coupled with the anger that the whole thing brought. Now that I thought about it with my eyes open, I realized that those actions, that pure stupidity and bravery reminded me of the foolish, brash, stupid and brave Jedi Knight of the same name over twenty years ago. Luke Skywalker? I pondered absently if his mother had given him that name, and a smile contorted onto my face reluctantly as I absently remembered telling her that I was fond of that name. If she had – then at least I could rest a little easier knowing that she hadn't completely given up on me in the end, even after everything, even after I crushed her thr-… no, I couldn't think about that right now. My wife was dead, she was gone and there was nothing that I could do about that – but my child, my son was alive and very well, much to the chagrin of the Emperor himself, and there was something that I could do about that. I wondered if he knew, I wondered if he knew where his real heritage was and I wondered how he would react to it. Probably not well and that's why I knew that I would have to face him there.

The Could City – that's where my ship was preparing to make the hyperspace jump to at this moment, I knew that he'd be there, one way or the other and that's when I knew we'd fight.

As far what I would do later, I cannot say, officially, I was to deliver him to the Emperor – but these feelings, this excitement and pride was tempting me to do otherwise.

I was tempted to do many things, ranging from a wide range of killing him, to capturing him, and keeping him safe from all that would try to harm him.

But again, Luke reminded me of myself and I knew that he'd never do that – and, coupled with that thought, the overwhelming weight of the Dark Side of the Force kept me in line to obey my master.

Smirking down at the lightsaber on my belt – I felt myself growing anxious and excited at the same time.

I was ready for this, I wanted to face him, I wanted to see what kind of a man he was and if he could keep up with me.

"My Lord, the Fleet is standing by to make the jump, they await your command," Admiral Piett spoke crisply beside me.

I hadn't felt this… invigorated in years and I was ready to for it.

"Begin," I responded in a clipped tone without moving from my spot at the observation viewport.

Watching as the various Star Destroyers in my fleet powered up their engines and made their jump to hyperspace – my smile widened.

Here I come my child – I have been waiting such a long time for this moment – and I promise to make it memorable.


End file.
